If the Social Networks Were in High School


High school is a microcosm of the real world. Folks think when they graduate, the dynamics they had to deal with then end. WRONG! Life is high school on a larger scale. So I thought about what would happen if the social networks where we spend our eLives were high school and this is what I came up with.


* Facebook – It would be the asshole quarterback on the football team who is extremely popular even though he breaks school rules and walks the halls like he owns it. He never gets punished for cutting class, and even though he cheats on exams (and teachers know it), he still passes. He’s got way too much charisma for folks to resist. Voted: Most popular.

* Twitter – This is the school gossip and head cheerleader. She’s very popular too and she dates Facebook on and off. They’re a power couple but both of them are too dramatic so they never stay together for long. She knows everyone’s business and makes it her business to spread it. Her information is not always accurate but folks sure do stop at her locker everyday to find out who/what/when of the school. Voted: Biggest Flirt.

* Tumblr – This is the cool kid who smokes cigarettes behind the gym. He gets along with most people but is always scheming and being sneaky. If you need some answers to a test beforehand, go to him and he’ll pretty much have it. He’s the dude who spikes the punch at the high school dance. Voted: Most Likely to End Up a Felon

* MySpace – This is the 19-year old sophomore. He’s been held behind so much that no one is actually sure when he’ll graduate. He walks the halls and freshmen wonder what class he teaches because he has a full beard. When he first got to school, he was popular. Then he started getting in trouble constantly and failing classes. Everyone just watches him because they’re concerned for him. His father left him (Tom) and he now has to fend for himself. Voted: Well, he isn’t a senior so he isn’t in the yearbook votes.

* LinkedIn – This is the class AND student council president. This kid is all business all the time. She’s the one who already has all her college applications filled out by August. Of her junior year. She’s in Advanced Placement classes and is graduating with honors. She also comes to school sometimes in a slacks and a button up. Voted: Most likely to succeed

* Instagram – This is the Audio/Visual kid. He feels way more important than he is. He helps the teachers operate their projectors and helps to produce the school plays. He’s in the Drama club too and usually wants to play lead. He sucked as Romeo in the fall musical though. Voted: Most Dramatic.

* FourSquare – This kid is everywhere and does everything. He plays 3 sports and is on the executive board of like 5 school clubs. He has medals (badges) in all those sports too. He doesn’t have time to party because of all his extracurricular activities but he’s still pretty popular. Voted: Most likely to become a millionaire by 21 and Most School Spirit.

* BlackPlanet – This is the pregnant chick who walks the halls and everyone judges. Not because she’s pregnant but because she used to sleep with the whole football team after practice. Folks think she just needs a mentor. Others think she’s a lost cause. She’s going to an alternative school next semester. Voted: Most likely to be on Teen Mom

* Google Plus – This is the new kid in school who everyone likes but can’t quite figure out. Facebook is jealous of him and is trying to dress like him now. Folks notice it but wonder why FB is so touched. Voted: Most Charismatic

So yes, I know I got too much time on my hands. What do you think? Do my descriptions makes sense? Am I missing any important networks? Tell a G.